Everyday I go through the agony of a promise left unfulfilled. Promises made to myself. A new promise made to myself at night which I hope to see fulfilled in the morning through a disciplined effort over time.And then to see it shrink back into the darkness like a vampire cringing back at dawn.Promises of starting my day early and going out for a jog, hitting the gym after, swapping my winter clothes for summer wear, cleaning my house,waxing my bike,writing a kick ass post, going to bed early and the list goes on and on. But the fact that I am at the liberty of snuggling back into my bed in the morning(and anytime thereafter) only makes me abuse it.
From being on call 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week at sea to being a lazy bum at home, the change is just as turbulent as the weather while I sail. Spending the first few days lazing around is understandable but the entire course of my stay at home gets defined by the odd hours I follow initially (or is that an excuse that I make up to make myself feel better). I do end up hitting the gym eventually everyday but the timings are just as odd and my morning runs inevitably wait for the next morning. I should probably have the word ‘TOMORROW’ painted on my walls(It’s past midnight as I write this and I am quite sure I’ll end seeing the hypothetical ‘Tomorrow’ painted on the walls in the morning).
The pride of being bang on time day after day at work(maybe five mins late but that’s that), of being regular with everything at sea turns me into the exact opposite (rather brings out my true nature). The lack of a schedule, of something concrete to do, living with no agenda on mind for what to the next day can make you feel extremely wasted. Any given day has 24 hrs to fill and every waking hr for me is a concerted effort at finding something constructive to do and the failure to find anything only pushes me back into bed(another day wasted 😦 ).
Evenings are all about having coffee with friends and coming up with all sorts of ideas(exactly the kind you’d find in movies where drinking buddies catch up everyday for a few beers at a pub somewhere). An hour and a half spent there, 90 mins or so spent in the gym, another hr or so spent thinking about writing a kick ass post and 8 hrs of sleep defines the crust of everyday spent at home. Jeez man, that still leaves me 12 hrs short!!!! and before I know it these 8 hrs of sleep will turn into half a day in bed.
There is still a while left before I go back to sea, falling into a routine thus but till then I guess I’ll have to keep making these false promises to myself,run directionless like a headless chicken with the hope that at least one of them might fall into place and putting the head back on hence.