Month: March 2014

FALSE PROMISES

Everyday I go through the agony of a promise left unfulfilled. Promises made to myself. A new promise made to myself at night which I hope to see fulfilled in the morning through a disciplined effort over time.And then to see it shrink back into the darkness like a vampire cringing back at dawn.Promises of starting my day early and going out for a jog, hitting the gym after, swapping my winter clothes for summer wear, cleaning my house,waxing my bike,writing a kick ass post, going to bed early and the list goes on and on. But the fact that I am at the liberty of snuggling back into my bed in the morning(and anytime thereafter) only makes me abuse it.

From being on call 24  hrs a day, 7 days a week at sea  to being a lazy bum at home, the change is just as turbulent as the weather while I sail. Spending the first few days lazing around is understandable but the entire course of my stay at home gets defined by the odd hours I follow initially (or is that an excuse that I make up to make myself feel better). I do end up hitting the gym eventually everyday but the timings are just as odd and my morning runs inevitably wait for the next morning. I should probably have the word ‘TOMORROW’ painted on my walls(It’s past midnight as I write this and I am quite sure I’ll end seeing the hypothetical ‘Tomorrow’ painted on the walls in the morning).

The pride of being bang on time day after day at work(maybe five mins late but that’s that), of being regular with everything at sea turns me into the exact opposite (rather brings out my true nature). The lack of a schedule, of something concrete to do, living with no agenda on mind for what to the next day can make you feel extremely wasted. Any given day has 24 hrs to fill and every waking hr for me is a concerted effort at finding something constructive to do and the failure to find anything only pushes me back into bed(another day wasted 😦 ).

Evenings are all about having coffee with friends and coming up with all sorts of ideas(exactly the kind you’d find in movies where drinking buddies catch up everyday for a few beers at a pub somewhere). An hour and a half spent there, 90 mins or so spent in the gym, another hr or so spent thinking about writing a kick ass post and 8 hrs of sleep defines the crust of everyday spent at home. Jeez man, that still leaves me 12 hrs short!!!! and before I know it these 8 hrs of sleep will turn into half a day in bed.

There is still a while left before I go back to sea, falling into a routine thus but till then I guess I’ll have to keep making these false promises to myself,run directionless like a headless chicken with the hope that at least one of them might fall into place and putting the head back on hence.

 

 

Advertisements

THE BUCKET LIST

I was watching this movie and i couldn’t help but make my own list of things to do before I take the high road(quoting khushwant singh, I’d like to believe I do have a lot of time before I can get around to doing all of them).

A few of them are exactly the same but still things on my to do list.

So here they go-

1)Sky dive. Not with a monkey on my back but being able to do it alone. Requires a licence which again requires a lot of assisted jumps. Hopefully I’d be able to do it one day.

2)Scale the tip of the Everest and watch the sunset. There is no sunrise over the Everest though.

3)Run the Boston marathon. Gosh I really need to start running again and improve my timings.

4)Be the author of a best seller and stay there at the top of that list for time immemorial.

5)Have my own boat and take it around the world solo (this is stretching it but then if a sailor can’t then no one can).

There is something or the other which takes root in my mind every now and then which just sticks till I get it and in effect I make the list longer still but growing older only makes the playground larger, so what’s the point of not having a long list. 🙂

THE NEW DOG LOVER

I could never understand why people don’t like pets( dogs especially), some would even go to the extent of saying that they hate them. I am the proud owner (wish i could find a better word, owner sounds so demeaning to him) of a pug. All that the cute little thing wants to do is play and be cuddled. It’s been a little over 2 yrs since we got him and every day has been nothing but a pleasure of having him around. Nevertheless, this post is not about him.

I usually keep him (his name is oren by the way) with me during the nights these days, so i don’t have trouble at starting my day early( he wakes me up inevitably before 7) and my friends keep showing up, almost every night for a chilled one. Rakshit Gupta, a friend, who’s been to my place a few times earlier, never knew i had a dog,neither did I know that in the more than 24 years of him knowing this world, he has never petted a dog before. This particular night, both of them happened to be together at my pad along with another friend of my mine (vishvaas his name is).

I could see how uncomfortable he was whenever oren tried to go near Rakshit to play with him. He kept cringing back to avoid any contact with Oren. After numerous attempts at trying to get Rakshit to pet him and upon seeing his reluctance, Oren moved on to the next obvious choice-vishvaas, who was more than happy to oblige. Probably that was what Rakshit needed-seeing both me and vishvaas having fun with Oren.

It was then that Rakshit started to make an attempt to get friendly towards him. After a lot of reluctance on his part and seeing Oren busy with the 2 of us, he made a few a attempts to draw his attention and upon being confident that he wont bite, to my pleasure, he started getting on well with him. He even posed for a few pictures with Oren when he became comfortable.

I can now proudly say, that I played my part to perfection( a very little bit, not to take the credit away from rakshit and Oren) at making somebody with a fear of dogs be happy at having one around.

Dealing with dogs requires the sense to know which ones to keep a distance from and not messed around with. And I sincerely hope that Rakshit doesn’t get too corky and try getting too close to a Rottweiler.

Here is a picture of the New dog lover with the cutest little thing in the world.Image

THE ONLY THING LEFT

Now as I write this, it takes me back to all the conversations(mostly one sided) I have had over the last so many years with my mother and countless other relatives(thankfully my father has spared me the agony so far) about the virtues of marriage and how important it is to move ahead in life and how stress free their lives would be as an effect. The attention I always liked to get, being the eldest in the entire family and the notoriety of being a brat( my father still calls me that) now places me at a disadvantage cos now the eldest son has grown up.

I have had my fair share of relationships over time, a few even coming close to getting me there but as the inevitable fate would have it, here I am still running amock at finding a link with somebody. The confusions never cease to end. Would i just end up in bed with somebody with only the sound of television filling the gap for the rest of my life?????How do i let MY living room/bedroom be OUR bedroom and be okay with it???? How do I know that the girl I love to be with now, would be the same girl I would be in love with 20 yrs hence and vice versa????Do I take a leap of faith or wait to be the knight in shining armor for the princess to be in my kingdom????

The problem is that I can go on and on with questions and the answers are answers that only the wise and old have.

The life of a single 27 year old guy(in India) is not exactly enviable if he chooses not to alter the status quo. The fact is, there is nothing that I find missing in my life and being happy just the way I am is an alien idea to everybody around me. Isn’t the entire point of doing anything, is to be able to add more value to what you already have. What I have in entirety is already over valued and thinking of somebody adding more value on top of it on an everyday basis is a value that I cant digest.To see my qualities turn into my better half’s itch would be the story of my life( I can’t be happier if somebody proves me wrong).

As i see it THE ONLY THING LEFT is one of 2 options-maintain status quo or risk it.As and when i decide upon the lesser of the afore mentioned evils,be sure it’ll be here.

“Always behave …

“Always behave like a duck,calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle with great vigor underneath”-unknown

A quote that i read back in school in one of my notebooks. I used to have these notebooks with inspirational quotes and fun facts printed at the front and at the back(to inspire kids I’d say but sadly never worked on me when it came to filling them with what was taught). It must have been more than a decade and somehow this is the only quote that stuck mostly cos I am the exact opposite and probably cos I use it as a benchmark. I do remember throwing it around whenever I could get a chance to speak publicly in school and college, mostly as something that would draw attention but then over time it has become something that i would love to live by. A long way to go before I can quote this as an example from my life but I don’t see myself giving up.

Pity I can’t remember more from those colorful little notebooks but then what’s google for???… 🙂